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Closed Bible: Closed Heart

Closed Bible: Closed Heart

Closed Bible: Closed Heart

A few weeks ago, I felt like I was going through a ‘dry’ spell. Not just in my spiritual life, but in all areas. I was walking with a friend and I was sharing with her that I didn’t feel like reading my Bible. I didn’t feel like putting in the energy it took to be a good wife and mother. I felt very closed off to everything. I didn’t want to justify any of my feelings, I just wanted to be numb to everything.

If I’m being honest, I’m feeling very ‘over’ it all. All meaning this pandemic. I’m ready for things to start opening up again and life to start feeling like it has some normalcy to it. I’m tired of people not looking at you or saying, “Hi” in the stores, I’m tired of wearing masks that reveal to you everything you’ve eaten since the last time you brushed your teeth. It was all just feeling a bit frustrating to me at this point.

During this week of letting myself feel all the emotions, I had stopped feeding myself spiritually. I didn’t want to open my Bible in the morning(or anytime of the day). I spent a lot of time just sitting and thinking. I let my prayers be real and felt very raw to God. 

I always feel a little weird in this part of my relationship with God. Should I really be sharing the anger and frustrations of my heart to the one who created me? Shouldn’t I just be happy and thankful all the time to God? My deepest relationships with people are the ones where I can open up and let them know my true thoughts. The ones where I can share my frustration and anger and they still love me. If I don’t open myself up and become vulnerable with them our relationship doesn’t grow. So yes, I should be sharing this part of my heart with God. Sharing everything with Him is going to allow my relationship to grow deeper with Him. Sharing my heart with him like that allows me to open myself up to Him, be vulnerable, and let Him root out those things that shouldn’t be there and replace them with truth. 

I had spent a week letting the things of this world consume me. I was letting news articles and Facebook posts consume my heart, not the Lord. The things we consume ourselves with and fill our minds with are the things that start to become the meditation of our heart. When we don’t have the right things consuming us, our minds can start to get in a scary place. 

One morning I decided I had had enough and I was going to get myself out of this mindset. I was going to stay off social media and read my Bible. I opened my Bible and out fell a journal entry from a retreat I was a part of last year. In this journal was a devotional I wrote on our heart’s desire. This was exactly the reminder I needed at that moment. 

I wrote about the meditation of our hearts and asked questions about where our hearts were, and what was consuming our hearts. Even though I wrote this over a year ago, it was so relevant to my situation right now. Often when I’m writing things or planning speaking topics for events, the Lord uses what I’m writing or learning about to work on my own life, even more than for other people. I decided I was going to do my own devotional and reevaluate my heart. 

I realized that in a short span of a week I had let my heart get hard. I allowed social media and the world to get into my head. I let the world have a bigger impact on me than Christ. I had closed my Bible and in turn, closed my heart to the only one that matters. 

Working my way through the devotional allowed me to redirect my thoughts and open my heart back up. I allowed myself to be vulnerable with God again. God calls us to guard our hearts, but He doesn’t call us to have hard hearts. When we harden our hearts we’re no longer allowing anything to filter through, whether good or bad.

Opening my heart back up to Him allowed me to realize just how much He cares for me and the desires of my heart. God is always in control, He is always on the throne. And I need to seek Him, and meditate on His word constantly. It is the only thing that can fulfill me and pull me out of the pit of despair. Seeking Him is the only way I can allow my heart to be consumed by Him. And that’s really all I want- a heart that is consumed with Christ. 

I think it’s good for me to go through these kinds of weeks from time to time. It reminds me who I’m putting my trust in and what my focus is on. I don’t think that feeling this way means I have a weak faith, but rather, I think it shows just how much I need a Savior. 

I’m going to share my devotional with you. Feel free to print it off and work through it if you’re feeling like your heart and mind could use a reset.

Our Heart’s Desire Devotional

Hi, I’m Hannah.

I am a lover of Jesus, wife, and mom to 3 kids. Occasionally I like to share things that are on my heart and you’ll find them here. Thanks for taking the time to check out my site!

Grace Poured Out

Grace Poured Out

Grace Poured Out

It had been one of those weeks. You know, the week filled with appointments, social commitments, church things, and extra needy children. My husband told me to take a couple hours and go have some time alone. He usually sees the warning signs of me needing to go and recharge well before I do, and I’m forever grateful to him for it. There’s something so refreshing about going somewhere to write and pray without someone asking me to make them a snack, help them in the bathroom, or to find a lost toy. 

I’m an extrovert and a people pleaser. I love surrounding myself with others and doing all the things, but there comes a point when I need to take some time for myself to process things, refresh my soul, and pray. So Jared sent me away to my favorite coffee shop(Amity), so I could have some quiet time and journal. This is my go-to spot when I need to think and write or prepare for an event. I do most of my best writing there. I ordered a pour over and sat down to start writing and praying. While I was praying I asked God what He wanted me to learn during this season. I wrote in my journal:

 

Give… Pour Out… Serve… Love… Empty… Fill… 

 

Give myself to others, Pour out myself into their lives, Serve them and Love them, Empty myself doing His work so He can Fill me up again and again and again. 

 

That was two years ago, during a season where it seemed like all my husband and I were doing was working, giving and pouring ourselves out. God was telling me to keep doing the exact thing that I felt like was draining me both physically and spiritually? I looked back in my journal and I realized He was showing me something that was there the whole time, but I just wasn’t seeing it. The word Fill. Everytime I felt like I couldn’t do any more or help someone in any other way, He somehow filled me with enough strength to do it. This changed my whole perspective. At first I could only see how I was emptying myself doing His work, but now can see how I was continually being filled with more of His grace.

Then I read  Titus 3:4-7, which says “When the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.” God graciously pours out His Holy Spirit on us. Without Him continually pouring His Spirit out on me, I would be weak and tired. I would feel empty. It’s God’s grace that’s being poured out on me every day.

 Because of His pouring out I’m able to surround myself with people and look for ways to serve them and pour myself out to them. One of the ways God showed me I could do this was through writing. I’ve obviously ignored this for a long time, but I feel like it’s time now. I’m going to lay aside all my fears and put to rest the voices in my head that tell me I have nothing to share. 

I’m excited to see where this journey takes me and how it changes and grows my spiritual life. I have complete faith that God is going to use my own words to help me understand Him better. If there’s something that resonates with you along the way, that’s great. My prayer is that you would be encouraged and you’ll find Grace Poured Out here.

Hi, I’m Hannah.

I am a lover of Jesus, wife, and mom to 3 kids. Occasionally I like to share things that are on my heart and you’ll find them here. Thanks for taking the time to check out my site!

Introduction

Introduction

Introduction

Writing a blog. This has been on my mind for a few years now and I really didn’t think I would actually do it. I had hundreds of excuses as to why it wouldn’t work. Hundreds of reasons why someone wouldn’t ever want to read it, etc. But here we are… 

I should probably start by introducing myself. My name is Hannah, I’ve been married to my husband, Jared, for 8 years. He teaches 8th grade math at our local school and runs his own photography business. He is my best friend and greatest encourager. We have three children, Elijah, Micah, and Amelia, who keep us on our toes and laughing constantly. We live in the beautiful Finger Lakes where I spend most of my days working in our home, spending time with friends, playing at the lake with the kids and homeschooling our oldest son. I love coffee(my husband spoils me and roasts his own coffee beans), reading books, journaling, cooking, and going on adventures with my family. I have a heart for community and building lasting friendships.

 My real passion though, is studying the Bible. I enjoy spending as much time as I can in the Word and learning all I can from it. God has laid it on my heart to share what I learn with others and I’ve been ignoring this prompting for quite some time now. Through encouragement from my husband and friends I’ve decided to start this blog. My hope is to share with you things the Spirit lays on my heart. Things that are revealed to me during my quiet time. Things that can encourage and lead you to a closer relationship with Christ. My desire is for women to know as much as they can about the Bible. Really study it in detail and grow in it. 

Imagine a little girl sitting at her desk in her bedroom. She has journals, notepads, pens, pencils, highlighters, all sorts of things to write and create with. This little girl sits for hours just taking pen to paper. She may not know how to spell words correctly, or have a specific reason for writing at the moment, but there she is, spending her time at her desk, writing. 

That was me growing up. I loved writing letters to friends(this was before e-mail) and writing short stories. I would take old books and highlight and make notes in them like I knew what I was doing. Perhaps this is where my love for studying came about. I always tried to be a perfectionist. I wanted to be the best at whatever I was doing. I wanted to know as much as I could about whatever I was learning. I feel that same passion about the Bible. I will never know everything about the Bible, but I’m here for the long haul to learn as much as I can while I’m on this side of heaven. Let’s get our Bibles and start studying and learning together! 

 

Hi, I’m Hannah.

I am a lover of Jesus, wife, and mom to 3 kids. Occasionally I like to share things that are on my heart and you’ll find them here. Thanks for taking the time to check out my site!

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